(2 stars out of 5)*
I avoid writing vitriolic reviews for many reasons, but since the author has passed away, I don’t think she will care. To summarise this review in one word: UGH. I remember David differently, but I guess I was either mistaken or the author changed the character.
1. So, David is an occult practitioner (Candomblé), and he’s lived in a jungle, but he is afraid of bees, cats, and snakes. Uhhh… No? He wouldn’t last a day in a jungle. Hell, he wouldn’t last an hour in my back yard. Even now that he is a vampire, he’s afraid of them. Big bad vampire might get stung by a bee and get a boo boo. Let’s wrap him in bubble wrap to protect his poor immortal flesh from the evil bees. (By the way, bees aren’t nocturnal, but let’s keep him wrapped, just in case).
2. Our friend David may be afraid of a lot of things, but he is not afraid to study the boobs of a fourteen-year-old Merrick in detail and find them very appealing. There’s a passage where David sees photos of Merrick when she is even younger (she must be around 10?), and says she looked like a woman even then. Let’s all slap David so he gets back to his senses, yes? Thank you. I don’t know what is going on with Anne Rice and characters in early puberty, but it’s creepy, for lack of a better word. It was the same in Blood and Gold.
3. David has a best friend, Aaron, who has always helped him, supported him, and believed in him. When they find David’s body in Tale of the Body Thief, Aaron is crushed, but still hopes David somehow is alive. David lets Aaron die without ever letting him know he’s indeed alive. (He’s been turned into a vampire, yes, but technically speaking, he’s alive.) You see, he was too busy frolicking with the glamorous brat Lestat to bother with his mortal best friend. More asshole points for David.
4. Merrick, the character the book is about, is a weekend-alcoholic type, which is NOT an attractive trait. Her powers are super hyped, but the story doesn’t really deliver. After so much build-up, I would have expected her to shoot lightning bolts out of her butt. What are her special powers? She can (gasp!) call the spirits of the dead. So? Anyone can call the spirits of the dead. Get a Ouija board and start asking questions, and you’ll get the spirits of the dead, a couple of demons, and God/dess knows what else as a bonus. She can also make the spirits of the dead haunt someone and throw down objects, etc. If they can throw down objects, they can also grab a mop and do some actual work around the house. Scrubbing toilets is a lot scarier to me than the spirits of the dead.
5. Louis is cringeworthy. He’s a sad puppy with an insatiable need for punishment. He also does the one thing he vehemently said he’d never do. Oh, poor Louis, I do know a good Dominatrix who can help you feel better, because two whiny characters in one book do not a good book make.
6. Claudia: what a petite, cute little psychopath. Kill it with fire.
7. Back to David, the annoying man-child. He has wanted Merrick for as long as he’s known her, and he’s bitching about it for an entire book instead of DOING something about it. His ego is so inflated, he can donate it to the fire brigade as a rescue air cushion. And of course, as soon as Merrick looks at another man, he’s sick with jealousy. Oh eff off!
I had missed Anne Rice’s prose, but I had not missed her lack of a good editor. I still have many of her books to read. Ha. Yes, I am a glutton for punishment too.
*My star rating and what it means:
Zero stars: Why me?!? I do come across books that aren’t really books, but brain damage in disguise. For reasons you can all understand, I won’t be publishing reviews on them. I tend to become enraged and say things I later on regret.
One star: Meh… I didn’t like it and won’t be keeping it. It might be the book, or it might be me. I’ll try to clarify in my review.
Two stars: Average/ Okay. Either the kind of light/ undemanding book you read and don’t remember in a month, or suffering from flaws that prevented it from realising its potential.
Three stars: Better than average. Good moments, memorable characters and/ or plot, maybe good sense of humour… Not to die for, but not feeling like you wasted your time and money either.
Four stars: Wow, that was good! Definitely keeping it and checking to see what else I can buy from the same writer.
Five stars: Oh. My. Goodness. The kind of book you buy as a gift to all your friends, praise to random strangers on the bus, and re-read until the pages fall out and the corners are no longer corners, but round.
